Currently curled up on a couch in my own cosy room at my aunt’s glorious house in the countryside (compared to London, I consider most other things ‘countryside’ anyway). There are all manner of wild things running around outside…. four or five fluffy wild rabbits chasing each other around the garden, beautiful chickens clucking about a huge Magnolia tree, some random pheasants strutting around, and birds chirping away. And my cousins are playing and shouting downstairs. It’s so peaceful here, and this feels like just what my soul needed. Maybe not so good for my (already non-existent) waistline, going by the first three meals I’ve had…
But I digress.
The past few months have been an ongoing journey in walking in trust and transformation. Even when things seem so painful and confusing and rejection hurts, I take a deep breath and remind myself that God has higher and greater plans for me. That He is making all things work for my good, for I love Him and I have been called according to His purpose. An opportunity for me to get out there and serve, lead and build community recently presented itself to me. It really got me both excited and nervous; you know how it is. I had just been quietly remarking to myself/God ‘look at all these gunners campaigning for things, running for positions…. I’d love to serve and lead but I’d never even wanna chase it myself. I’d rather just get chosen, yknow? Anyway I don’t even know where to begin.’ and on that very day, someone messaged me to ask if I was interested in this opportunity.
My immediate reactions were the usual ‘why me?! I’m so inadequate/not suited for it. Do I have the time for this?’
A man’s heart plans his way,
But the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9
From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2
So not so much in spite of but because of these silly (some unfounded, some VERY much founded) thoughts and reservations, I’m choosing to walk in the opposite spirit, to get out of my comfort zone, and to push myself into the path of trusting in God more and relying on Him more. And I’ve been praying about it and have a lot of peace in saying yes (but there’s still a whole lotta fear about actually taking this opportunity).
Watch this space!