(their whole album has been an immense blessing to my spiritual walk this week – check them out!)
I feel like the past week has been spent waiting.
(wait for it)
Waiting on people, for results, for challenges I know are coming. Waiting is a normal part of life and even a good experience we all go through. We’ve all waited for the doctor (NOT ME HEHE), for the bus, for someone (all the time if like me you’re perpetually! early! and most of your good friends are perpetually! late!). There’s really nothing wrong with waiting. It’s how we respond to the waiting. Do we get annoyed at how long the bus is taking/how many minutes till we can start guilt-tripping our friends?
Currently I’ve been sitting around, ruminating and overthinking and overanalysing and focusing on POTENTIAL problems (not even real ones), worrying my heart out. Refreshing my inbox like mad, feeling a phantom buzz from my phone. I’ve carried the gentle hum (more like a buzz) of anxiety around with me the past couple of days. It’s so stupid! All I can do, and have to do, is wait.
I need to remember that God should be exalted no matter what I do. And that means sitting around waiting without worrying. As the wise Fabs (of fabsharford.com) put it,
“It’s hard to not want to eject in the waiting. We do it by imaging what lies around the curve: getting ahead of bad news that hasn’t come or living in promises that haven’t been given. But wrestling with waiting is the calling of the Christian.
And I know one thing. I can feel it pressing down on me with all its glorious and difficult weight right now: all this waiting and all these roads end with Him. He is the point.
We wait for nothing but Him.”
Fabs continues to say, “I feel weary of this idol making factor that is found in the flesh of my heart. That continues to treat God as if He is a consolation prize – yes, Lord I will be content with you if you say no. That continues to treat God as if He is a hoop to jump through on this road toward what I truly want: yes, Lord, I will learn contentment with you so I can get that gift. That continues to treat God as if His company in this waiting is a helpful crutch, not the point: yes Lord, I am thankful that you are with me so that I can endure this suffering.”
God is never my consolation prize – it’s never ‘it’s okay if I fail this and get kicked out of med school or end up single forever because I have God’. Everything else should be secondary to Him. It’s not ‘IF You just tell me I’m going to be single/married then I won’t think and wonder and worry about it.’ The not-knowing, the waiting, that should all give way to waiting on the One I know is true and just, Whose ways are higher and more perfect than my own, and Whose timing is absolutely perfect. Even if I get rejected from things/people for the rest of my life, or I meet a wonderful guy and become a kick-ass doctor/chef/journalist/florist – these things are the consolation prize, because they point me towards the greatest prize I’ve ever done absolutely nothing to deserve, God.
God Himself waits for us. Like the father in the parable of the prodigal son, He waits for us to return to Him.
“Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you.
For the Lord is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for Him.” Isaiah 30:18
Am I waiting on the Lord as well?
“I Will Wait For You” – probably my FAVOURITE slam poetry ever. I’ve pretty much memorised this, I’ve written sections down in my journal – it’s led to convictions about the kind of guy I want to date, it’s comforted my broken heart (I cringed at that, did you? HAHA).
The whole thing is ace, but the best part of it is at the very end. Janette Ikz says
“But to my Father, my Father who knew me before I was birthed onto this earth. Only if You should see fit. I desire Your will above mine so even if You call me to a life of singleness, my heart is content with You – the One who was sent. YOU are the greatest love story ever told, the greatest story ever known. You are forever my judge and I’m forever Your witness, and I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business. Oh, I will always be Yours!
And I will always wait for You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning
More than the watchmen wait for the morning…
I will wait.”
You are the one thing that I need. Deserts will bloom in the light of Your love.