It’s coming on Christmas, they’re cutting down trees, putting out reindeers and singing songs of joy and peace.
I’m here, hello hello. Where do I begin, dear reader?
This semester has been tough but good, I think.
God promised me that I’d see ‘more’ in terms of my academics this year which is one of those ‘HAH! Only by Your grace’ because let me tell you, I definitely don’t think I’m working hard enough. If you’ve been reading long enough, you’ll know that I struggle a lot with my course – do I want it? Do I want to study super disgusting sciencey things? – and really that’s something I still struggle with. But, God has been so faithful. He’s reminded me (via a wonderful soul friend) that that’s the price I have to pay for knowing the people I know in uni. God has given me the opportunity (that not everyone has) to know and love these people, and I have to honour this opportunity by working hard so (not solely for this reason obviously) I can stay. I also love the clinical side of medicine, and it’s sometimes so difficult to remember all that when you’re trying to memorise very specific and gross biochemical pathways. And again He’s just shown me that that’s the sacrifice I have to make in order to serve the sick well. He’s also made me enjoy anatomy. I HATED it last year and actually didn’t bother to study it very well for my finals because I couldn’t bring myself to learn it hahahaha (how did I even pass, seriously). And this term, something just changed and I really came to appreciate it (and I have an EXCELLENT, passionate anatomy demonstrator this year who makes dissections so enjoyable and actually the highlight of my curriculum). I’m so thankful to God for answering my prayers that I would come to love the very thing He created and fashioned.
I also had a wonderful time doing ‘Literature and Madness’ as my SSC. We covered The Examined Life (Steve Grostz), Darkness Visible (William Styron), The Outsider (Albert Camus), The Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath) and We Need to Talk About Kevin (Lionel Shriver). We had to read a book a week and I loved finally getting to read and feeling like it was part of my work hahaha. I still have a passion for literature and I think that arts and science/medicine shouldn’t be separated! I dislike how people are either ‘science’ or ‘humans’ people 😦 Why can’t we be both?
I moved to a new church this term, the very wonderful Christchurch London. I think it came to a point where I looked at my ‘one foot in one foot out’ position at my old church and decided that I had to be 100% committed, either to that one, or another one. After a lot of prayer and reflection I came to the conclusion that it would take a lot more faith on my part to leave somewhere I (did and still) love and am pretty comfortable in, and so I chose to leave. And I had peace about it, and about the new one, and that’s how I knew God was fine with it. 🙂 I’ve been attending the Connect (or Life or Cell) Group there and it’s been nice (also, scary!!) kind of moving out of that very Asian culture my old church had. I still really yearn for more community but so far these people have been a real blessing to me. Next year, I’m looking forward to getting more involved with them and serving more in the church!
Spiritually, it’s been really tough but such a rewarding journey. All I can say is, God unroots issues (no matter how old they are and how deep they go) in His own (perfect) timing. It’s been a period of discovering things so subtle (and insidiously so!) in my thoughts/heart that I’ve accepted as part of ‘who I am’. But really, I don’t know who I am! And of course, bringing up the past is painful – God said this season would be one of growth, and I feel like He’s cutting out these weeds that are tying me back from running towards Him with all that I have. It can feel very much one step forward, two steps back. But I have such wonderful friends who are walking along with me, loving me, encouraging me. To quote one, “Allowing yourself to walk back to the past is always like seeing a memory through tears at the pensieve.” He also said “every tear brings healing”, and that the reason why we go through the process of hurting and then healing (because I said I don’t know why God (faithful and merciful as He is!) would allow these things to happen just to heal them later) is “so that God can build greater convictions, greater faith, greater trust”. So true.
There’s so much more I want to say, I could say. But it’s back to revision for me, what with exams in less than 2 weeks now. So, dear Reader, here’s wishing you a very merry christmas and blessed new year. May the Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace reign in your heart and in your life!