Learning How to Die

Hello, new year, new you and all of that.

To quote the great Benjamin Gibbard, “so this is the new year, and I don’t feel any different”.

In 2014 I am determined to really live my life, now that I’m in my twenties (omggggg) – I want to live a life of constant wonder, at the beauty of people, of nature, of things, and their intrinsic values. I want my capacity for amazement and love to be pushed to its limit. I want to constantly see people through God’s eyes.

And I think the only way I can do this is to die. To die-to-self. More of You, and less of me. I don’t just have to take up my cross and follow Jesus, I have to nail myself to it. Everyday. I think the Christian life is a hard one because it confronts you with the parts of yourself you dislike the most – but (it more than) comforts with the fact that we are being transformed into who God destined us to be.

So in 2014, I’d like to die to self. I’m letting go of selfish ambition, of fear of what others think of me, of the desire to be validated and valued by others (even if this is family/best friends/soul friends etc etc), of all my lazy excuses to stay in my comfort zone, of my usual ‘the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak’, of judging others and gossiping and the like, of the constant comparing and running myself down. All that. Gone. And I can really really only do this by His grace, and by constantly beholding the glory of God.

2 Corinthians 3:18

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.

“This was one of the greatest secrets I ever discovered: Beholding is becoming.

Introspection must give way to amazement at glory. When it does, becoming happens. If there is any key to maturity it is that. Behold your God in Jesus Christ. ” – John Piper

2 Corinthians 5:17
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 

Mark 2:2-22

“No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment; otherwise the patch pulls away from it, the new from the old, and a worse tear results. No one puts new wine into old wineskins; otherwise the wine will burst the skins, and the wine is lost and the skins as well; but one puts new wine into fresh wineskins.”

A few cool things that happened recently:

1) my darling Max is not coming to London in 2014 by which I mean she’s going somewhere she obviously thinks is way better 😉 so so so proud of my bubba

2) a new year’s resolution I made was to get to know this one friend better (I think I dislike how not-deep (but that’s not to say shallow) a lot of my new uni friendships are) but I didn’t really know how to go about doing it but then God gave us this amazing conversation last night which she initiated, so see, God is really efficient! Barely 8 days into the new year and already He’s checking stuff off my list. Now, give me the motivation to exercise and get fit.

All that (idealistic? Future Me will keep you posted on that) stuff aside, exams are over, whoohoo. I still am feeling a bit lost with regards to uni (on Sunday someone (the 5th person so far) asked me ‘are you doing law?’) – what am I doing here/what do I want out of this. The aforementioned friend reminded me that we are here because we are going to be doctors, we’re not just here for the study of the subject medicine, which is very true, but I guess I just don’t want to feel like I’m tolerating the next 2 years, that this all a means to an end; I want to enjoy this whole process.

But I know that He placed me here for a reason, and that He is leading me into deeper waters (although I don’t deserve it one bit 😦 ) where my trust is without borders.

So, in 2014, I hope to trust in the Lord always, lean not on my own understanding, acknowledge Him in all ways, and hopefully be this bit closer to the destiny He has planned for me since the beginning of time, and in all of it, glorify His name.

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One thought on “Learning How to Die

  1. “The heavens declare the glory of God;
    the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
    2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
    night after night they reveal knowledge.
    3 They have no speech, they use no words;
    no sound is heard from them.
    4 Yet their voice[b] goes out into all the earth,
    their words to the ends of the world.
    In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.”
    Psalm 19:1-4.

    May the Sun and skies ever point you toward our Creator ❤ Miss you beebs!

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